I have not written for a while. I think I had the summer blues! All around me, the sense of tremendous loss was overwhelming: work, friends and social media feeds have been increasingly sad or angry and desolate. I have taken many breaks from social media- to reframe my thoughts. I was consumed by anxiety with reminders of our restrictions.
I couldn’t pinpoint the source of my blues- and then it hit me. I think that I was grieving the absence of the summer holiday. For years, we have been attuned to eagerly planning our summer holidays. In our family, the ritual of summer vacation planning – right down to the day trips, the clothes and researching the locales is a tradition that we have always enjoyed.
Each of us has our roles in this production- from getting “the best deals” to the layovers and planning trip. Over the years, our family has done road trips up, down and sideways in the US, and visited several countries. The excitement, the research and the bickering, ties our family and has resulted in so many memories. Even during the stressful and bumpy ride that is life, the summer vacation has provided the much -needed injection of wonder.
Over the last few years, I have pondered the existential question of my identity through travel. I have come to realize that its related to the 50s and menopause – but that’s a story for another day. Travel was my mechanism for self-analysis, reflection and inner growth. From family trips; to weekends with my high school and college friends; to volunteer missions, summer travel has been cathartic, self-exploratory and a gift that I will never take for granted again. Working in medical education, the end of the academic year, with the poignance of graduation that flows into welcoming new residents; summer is the time for rejuvenation, celebration and introspection.
I am not alone in mourning. The last few weeks of summer have felt as if the Dementors have come for our souls. Across the world- children have felt the loss of the lazy idyllic summer vacation- because it has been no different from the days ahead. Cheated of the anticipation of school and the ritual of telling and embellishing stories about summer vacation has sent many little and older ones into the doldrums. As workdays merge into holidays the demarcation of pleasure through “playtime” or time off becomes a blur.
After moping for some time, I decided that I had enough of my sorry self. I developed my own antidote for the summer blues by being intentional about seeking joy! I dove head along into my love for books and drinking tea! I tend to buy books wherever I travel or see a store. Given that my pandemic trips are either to the clinic or grocery stores, I made a detour and bought a big pile of books. From mushy romance novels (which are my way of light reading in a couple of hours) to deep and philosophical books and poetry. Having a plan to deal with my summer blues and attacking my pile gave me my much -needed boost to find happiness living the pandemic life. I have spent the last two weekends in my pajamas (well that’s most days actually) reading and drinking tea. And wonderful pots of tea that are brewed for the story that I am about to read- heady combinations of fresh mint, orange, jasmine and spices have allowed me to sink into my books and lose myself in wonderland.
Momentarily, I was lost in the deafening silence and the clutter of daily pandemic life without a single streak of joy. By being intentional and seeking out happiness, I was able to get myself back. Now, I try to take a moment to savor the little bursts of happiness that drives away the summer blues.
Thank you for the wonderful comments
The ups and downs of this most unusual of summers poignantly captured.
That was a great read. Never knew a talented writer was lurking inside the doctor. Looking forward to more.