It has been several months since we adopted our reclusive style of pandemic living. As a physician, I have been keenly following the scientific literature and seeing first hand the impact of the infection on our patients and society. So, it’s not hard to believe that our family has been isolated, short of going to work and grocery shopping.
The idea of this blog arose from my forced isolation. Like most folks in this world- we have been riveted by the tales of death and dying. Of doom and collapse. Of sinister conspiracy theories. I feel like I’m living in the matrix.
The headline photo was from my trip with my girlfriends to celebrate the BIG 5-0. I hope to bring that feeling to you all.
As I start to write, I hope to tell stories and invoke collective reflections digitally. To develop a sense of community and share our experiences of living and bring joy when we need it most.
Now is the time to reflect on relationships. As the months wear on, I find myself thinking about my own friends and family. As humans, we tend to crave socialization with the exchange of words, experiences, and stories. Our response to the isolation and its toll on mental health is varied. I see the impact of seclusion in my practice as well as my life.
My family is spread across the globe. My mother lives in India, my brothers live in New York and England, in-laws in the Middle East and I live in Scottsdale, Arizona. Prior to the pandemic, my brothers and I had a clear and defined schedule to make sure that my mother was cared for – one of us would visit every three to four months. Needless to say, none of us have ventured out of our towns let alone the country. My mother has not stepped out of her apartment in Kochi since December of last year when she had a fall and broke her ankle. The internet has literally saved not only my mother's life but the lives and relationships of millions of others. Sitting across the world, I can coordinate her care, help her pay bills, and order the chocolates and cereal that she likes on Amazon!
My brothers, mother and I have a family call every weekend. The call usually begins with multiple attempts to get everyone on! When we finally get our act synced, we begin the family group video chat. The art of WhatsApp group conversing is quite hilarious! Like most older folks, my mom takes some time to adjust to technology. So, the conversations include monologues about the latest Corona stats in India and around the world (my mother is an avid consumer of all things COVID) and parallel conversations between my brothers and I. We discuss current news about our extended family, take a trip down the garden path with my brother in England – whose wife is an avid gardener – and share the antics of our dogs! Bowie, my Chow rescue almost always features in the conversation. My mother loves to call him Bowie-Kutta (Kutta meaning child in my native tongue Malayalam). Our family is close and not at the same time. My brothers and I are bound by the act of caring for my mother. The pandemic has forced us to talk more – I for one am grateful for this small thing.
Based on my family’s experience, I ask my patients, especially my senior patients, how often they talk to their friends and family. I am afforded a glimpse into their world – and have learned that, like the world, my patients have close family or no-one at all. And if they don't have anyone, we have started calling them from our practice to make sure that they are doing okay.
The sharing of a meal, the telling of stories, and the need to touch; to hug; and to feel are things that none of us will take for granted again. I hope that you will join me on this journey – refining pandemic life. I look forward to emerging from the great seclusion with you all eventually! In this blog, we will focus on stories. I hope that they will give you, the reader, some things to ponder about.
Thank you. The Indian diaspora in COVID. People where families are all in one place are lucky.